2010 in Photos

"The glove compartment is inaccurately named
And everybody knows it"

-Death Cab for Cutie

I haven't been the most consistent of bloggers...so here is what you've missed.  These pictures are not in order but they give you an idea of the adventures that were had.

 Traverse City, Michigan - October

 Summer in Camden, London

 Cat at the Land Seer, Holloway, London

 Cat in my room - Crouch End, London

 Ireland - May

 Ireland - May (that's dad walking)

 Ireland - May

Ireland - May

 Ireland - May

 Mallorca - January

 Mallorca - Jauary

 Mallorca - January

Mallorca - Jauary

 Newington Green, London - Summer

 Newington Green - Summer

 Newington Green - Summer

 Granny B's Screen Porch in Castine, Maine - July

 Castine, Maine - July

 Maine - July

 Maine - July

 Maine - July

 Maine - July

 Maine - July

Dad in Bath - May

 Sloane Square, London - Summer

 Sloane Square, London - Summer

 Camden Tube Station, London

 Hampstead Heath, London - Summer

 Blue Hill Falls, Maine - July

 Lady's Pond, Hampstead Heath, London - Summer

 Lady's Pond, Hampstead Heath, London - SummerS

Essex, UK - August

 Lana on New River Walk, London - Summer

 Summer in Camden, London

 Essex, UK - August

  Essex, UK - August

 Essex, UK - August

  Essex, UK - August

 Regent's Park, London - Summer

 Little Hampton, UK - May

 Lana in East London - September

 Arundel, UK - May

 Arundel, UK - May

 Arundel, UK - May

 Arundel, UK - May

 Arundel, UK - May

 Arundel, UK - May

 Mom Scotland, UK - June

 Castine, Maine - July

Summer in Regent's Park

 Angel, London - Summer

 Martin visit, London - September

 Dissertation turn in day, London - September

Tom in Brussels, Belgium - October

 

 

Traverse City, Michigan - October

 Friends....Traverse City, Michigan - October

Bringing in the New Year with dancing and hugs

2011 has started with a brand new (one week old) visa to stay in the UK.  After 7 long long weeks of waiting it arrived to my happy little Crouch End home.  This visa will allow me to live and work in the UK through 2012.  This year has also come with a brand new baby cousin! She is much more darling than my visa and I love her a lot more...but I'm excited about both.

To come this year (well, soon i hope): a list of things that are weird in England.

And I won't disappear: my one year(ish) anniversary with London

"You know it's okay
I'm kinda [really] happy here for now
I think I've finally grown up
And got myself a lover now
If I ever come home and I, I think I will
I hope you're gonna want to hang
At my place on Sundays still
Oh yeah I hope you will

Cause I'm in London still "

-The Waifs

I've now been in London for one year are a bit and have officially turned in my master's dissertation (now we wait...).  I feel the need to reflect.  Who am I?  Who was I?  I came here, more or less, on a whim, an impulse to leave the familiar, to enter the unknown, to see if another way of living was possible...living with connection, with passion, with goals, but without plan. Living the life I have always wanted to live, but was scared to begin.

I went back to read my journal from Seattle last year.  It was marked with a sense of floating, of loneliness, a lack of purpose, a general depression.  I remember it, but I don't identify with that now.  I don't think my values have changed that much in the past year, but more consistently than ever before I am living the life I would like to be living.  I used to think about how I wanted to live and fantasize about some time in the future when I would be living that life.  There would be a point when I would have everything together and live the life I was supposed to live.

My sister shared with me a quote she found (I don't know by who).  It consisted of two questions.  The first: If you could live one life on repeat forever, what life would it be?  The second: is it the life you are living now?  This question has been in the back of my mind for some time now.  In deciding to come here I asked myself this.  I was worried about finances, I was worried about going back to studying, I was worried about finding a place to live in London, about getting a visa, about leaving Seattle, about leaving my family, about being happy.  But I asked myself, when I look back on my life, which decision will I wish that I made.  Put in that light, moving to London to pursue a masters in a subject I have been passionate about since I was in 2nd grade was a no brainer....a very horrifying no brainer.

I figure, there is no future point where living the life you want to live will "just happen".  Living the life you want to live means acting now.  Be present.  Choosing to live how you wish you did. Live now how you want to be later and you may just find that later becomes now.  And now becomes eternal.  Now becomes you.  Now is all we have.  "Every plan is a tiny prayer to father time" (death cab for cutie). 

More than anything this past year, I have found contentment.  Not the passive kind that sucks away your passions and adventurous spirit.  But the kind of contentment that brings peace and inspires action with confidence.  No situation in my life has become easier.  I am not a more together person.  I'm an organizational disaster, in fact.  I am late a lot.  I forget things like plans with people and names and times and tasks I'm supposed to complete.  But, now, I feel less bad about it.  I don't let myself feel guilt for the way I am.  I have become better at listening to myself, interpreting what my body is telling me, deciphering the messages of my heart.  I feel more confident with confrontation, with asserting myself.  Sometimes I don't assert myself still when I wish I did.  But I'm learning not to beat myself up about it.  The less attached I am to my destination, the more I end up going where I want to go. 

I really hope that when I look back on my life from old age (fingers crossed), I will say "yeah, I would do this all again.  I'm pleased with the risks I took, the connections I made, the paths I wandered, the time I spent reflecting, the love I gave away.  I wouldn't trade any of it."

A sad time

"we put our glass to the sky and lift up

and live tonight ‘cause you can’t take it with ya

so raise a pint for the people that ain’t with us

and live tonight ‘cause you can’t take it with ya"

-Mackelmore

Lesson of the week: there are no guarantees.  The veil separating our life from the inanimate  is thin.  I feel shock and sadness.  We are guaranteed nothing. We are owed nothing.  We can only live in great appreciation for what we have and who we love.

I appreciate that I knew Guy, that he was a part of my life, if but for a short while.  His life of kindness, community and love is an example for all of us . What an inspiring leader and friend.  I appreciate how he welcomed me to New-Unity. He had a knack for making one feel appreciated and valuable/valued.  I will miss him.  I send my love and sorrow to his partner and family. 

Wake up, America

"Muslim life is cheap, most notably to Muslims. 

And among those Muslims led by the Imam Rauf 

[of the proposed New York Islamic centre] there is hardly 

one who has raised a fuss about the routine and random bloodshed... 

that defines their brotherhood.  So, yes, I wonder whether I 

need honour these people and pretend that they are 

worthy of the privileges of the First Amendment which 

I have in my gut the sense that they will abuse."

-Martin Peretz, editor-in-chief of New Republic

What is going on right now?  I feel sadness to the point of tears reading of the hatred and bigotry ravaging America right now.  Who are we to decide who is worthy to receive the benefits of a free life?  We are only free if we give freedom freely.  As, Kahlil Gibran wrote, "Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights is worthy of all else from you."  We are only better than those who hate if we are able to act with love even when we are not given the same respect in return.  In saying this, I must note, I am NOT saying that Muslims have NOT treated us with respect.  Yes, nine years ago today thousands of people died unnecessarily and tragically in New York, DC and a field in Pennsylvania.  But who did that? A group of terrorists who happened to be Muslim.  We didn't start a crusade against Christians when Timothy McVeigh bombed the federal building in Oklahoma in 1995.  Why?  Because it is stupid to think that one person, or a small group of people, is representative of a mass.  And even if they were, would it not be the right thing to do to remain respectful?  Anger and sadness do not have to lead to hate.  If we let our anger turn to hate, then we are no better than that which we have been wronged by.  

A lot of Americans seem to be blinded by the own desire to hate.  It is so easy to blame others for your hurt, for your unhappiness. But it is stupid. It gets you nowhere.  It creates a world of bitterness and self-pity.  It is slightly more difficult, yet infinitely more rewarding to take a moment, put yourself in someone else's shoes, to forgive (even if forgiveness was not asked for), to treat others how YOU would like to be treated.  I'm not a fan of religion, I think it creates a lot of tension between groups (point in case, America right now...Israel and Palestine right now....the world right now?  the world for the past 2,000 years?) and i find it often to be rooted in deep intellectually dishonesty/laze. That said, I do I think it does say something that "treat others how you would like to be treated" is at the base of so many faiths.  Jesus isn't the only person credited with these words.  The sentiment is seen in Jewish, Christian, AND Islamic texts ("Not one of you is a believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself."), not to mention Buddhism, Hinduism, Jainism and Nigerian Yoruba.  No religion necessary, though.  The golden rule is self-evident to anyone with human emotions which (thanks evolution) is most of us. ("When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion."- A. Lincoln)

I feel sad. I feel sad for those being hated. And I feel sad for those hating.  I am mustering my strength to turn my sadness to compassion.  Because that, I believe, is what the world needs: compassion. 

People need to get over themselves.  Get over their personal discomfort and look at a bigger picture.  What kind of people do we want to be?  Do we want to live a life of fear and hate?  Or shall we risk it and extend a hand of humanity to those denied the rights and privileges we have been granted?  We do not live comfortably because we deserve it.  We live this way partially by luck and mostly because other people are suffering to make our comfort possible.  No one deserves anything they get.  We just get it.  So take in what is good and share it.  I see no other point to life than that. 

I'll end with the complete quote from Kahlil Gibran.  It was the first thing I thought of when I read the above hate-filled quote of Martin Peretz.

"You often say, 'I would give, but only to the deserving.'

The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.

They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.

Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights is worthy of all else from you.

And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream. "

Let us give what we can freely.  Let us not accumulate love, but give it so that it may return more plentiful than before.  Let us hold back judgment of our fellow humans.  Let us strive for understanding even when our first instinct is disgust and distrust.  We are not the victims of our first instinct. 

Love Without Judgment

"Love is a choice - 

not simply, or necessarily, a rational choice, 

but rather a willingness 

to be present to others 

without pretense or guile." 

-Carter Heyward

How do we interact with others?  How do we interact with life? As I've written before, I believe that much of life comes down to our choices. Our choice of how to respond to people and situations.  Each choice we make is one tiny element that goes into our whole being.  Each choice, as minor as it may be, helps define who we are.  Who do we want to be? 

Twice recently, I have been confronted with discussions of love without judgment.  Words and phrases from each discussion are still rolling around in my head.  As I'm impatient, I won't wait until they are polished and clear to remove them from the rock tumbler of my mind...

At New-Unity Unitarian church today, Andy spoke on "The journey toward love".  He suggested that love requires us to put aside judgment, to put aside our experiences and to be present for others.  Be present to ourselves.  What does being present mean?  To me, it means being witness.   Being a compassionate witness to another being.  Being silent in honor of the other's time to work through their thoughts, their emotions.  In being present, we try to remove judgment, remove our own experience.  We accept the situation as it is, the person as they are.  We do not love because we like what we see, or because the person/situation is what we would hope it to be.  We love because it is what it is, they are who they are.  What we cannot change, we accept and we love. 

My friend, who I recently got to sit with on a hot day in a New York City park, said something to me during a though-provoking, and filling conversation.   It was something like this:  accept each person who has come into your life. love them. Say 'thank you, teacher.'  I felt moved by this statement.  How much bitterness and resentment could I rid myself of it I said "Thank you, teacher"?  How much negativity could I transform?  How much heaviness could I lift from my heart?  How much freedom could I find in choosing unconditional and non-judgmental love?  Who would I be if I tried to remove judgment from my life?  You cannot give what you do not have. Love yourself so that you may love others.  Do not judge yourself, so that you may be present for others.  Be present in your own life.  Love what others are, not what you wish they were.  Love your life, not the life you wish you had.   

I believe there is peace in non-judgment, peace in acceptance, peace in thankfulness, peace in compassion and peace in love. With a destination in mind, the journey begins.

 

I'm in London Still

"Took the tube over to Camden

to wander around

played some funky records 

with that old Motown sound"

-The Waifs 

In the last week, London parks have become meccas for the city's sun starved inhabitants.  With all the sun and warmth, I have been inspired to carry my camera with me more often.  Here is what I've seen:

 

The story on the graffiti photos:  You all have probably heard of Bansky or at least seen his work.  He is a famous graffiti artist about whom many books are written.  His works are common posters and t-shirts.  Recently, he defiled a famous piece of graffiti in Camden that was done by Robbo, one of the original "street artists", 25 years ago.  "Team Robbo" was not pleased and soooo a little graffiti war is now plaguing the streets of Camden.  Above you see some of Bansky's work that has been modified by "Team Robbo". The image that reads KING ROBBO is of the work that sparked this feud.  Underneath that lies Robbo's original work.  Bansky, at the end of last year, modified Robbo's work to look like a man was painting over the graffiti.  Robbo then retaliated by making the painting man (by Bansky) look like he was writing King Robbo.  Cool, huh?!

 

Adaptive Landscapes

"I am the chrysalis in which you will face that which terrifies you

and from which you will blossom forth, vibrant and renewed."

-"The Divine Mother" source unknown

 I've been thinking a lot about the processes which bring us to renewal.  For the most part, I have concluded this: the process often is painful, scary, and generally uncomfortable.  So why leave what is familiar (if but a bit mediocre) for the unknown if it means a period of discomfort.  

Evolutionarily (with genes) it isn't really even possible.  Check out the diagram of an adaptive landscape.  The peak in the back is the highest and thus the represents the adaptation with the highest fitness (number of genes one will pass on to the next generation while employing this strategy).  However, just because employing this strategy will maximize an individuals fitness, due to random genetic drift (and other factors) some individuals will end employing the strategy depicted in the front left adaptive peak.  Though, their fitness is lower than individuals employing the strategy of the back most peak, they will not likely evolve (over generations) to the other strategy which would increase their fitness.  This is because to do so would require a period of lessening adaptiveness to the environment.   As decreasing adaptation is not selected for, a new strategy cannot be employed (until a shift in the adaptive environment....).  

We, luckily, differ from genes (though, obviously, our being - body, behavior - is tied to them inextricably).  We have a little bit more foresight and significantly more faith than genes.  We can see that our actions now will not take us where we want to go.  We can see where we want to go. And we can choose to have faith that by digressing we will be able, in the not so far off future, to "blossom forth, vibrant and renewed".