greatness coming

I got a list of demands
written on the palm of my hands.
I ball my fist and
you're gonna know where I stand.
-Saul Williams

My heart is flat
like the line that follows death
in a hospital
bed pillows cushioning
the blows of
your words
ring in my ears
deaf to the world
to the noises
of new life
on the horizon
the sun rises
my hopes
that tomorrow will bring
texture
to my heart

The Modern Ecological Model

"I believe that what you sing to the clouds will rain up on you when your sun has gone away;
and I believe that what you dream to the moon will manifest before you rest another day."
-Michael Franti

In Primate Socioecology our studies revolve around the modern Ecological Model. As such, my brain is caught up in thinking in terms of cause and effect, costs and benefits. (The more this happens, the more/less this happens; as ___ increases, _____ responds negatively/positively; ex: increase in female estrous synchronization leads to increased reproductive success for non-dominant males in nonhuman primates...) This has led me to evaluate my own values in these terms....

The less I bitch, the less I complain about people/situations/stresses, the less they weigh on my mind (and heart). The more I forgive (even when it is not requested), the less resentment I feel towards...anyone. There is no special trick to letting go or to forgiving. There is no optimal moment to forgive. You just do it. Let go of the desire to get in the last word to "make them understand" and feel your heart open. Not forgiving, leads to resentment. Resentment bottled leads to bitterness. And bitterness is contagious.

So we have a choice, here, of which trajectory, which feedback loop to embark on: the loop that swings you into the cycle of forgiveness, love, welcome, positivity or that of judgment, resentment, bitterness. In human evolution we see trajectories. For example, bipedalism allowed tool use (but did not cause it), tool use/making requires mental faculties which increase brain size, tool use allows meat to be utilized as a resource which helps develop our brain, increased brain size from meat eating allows more complex tool making, which pushes brain size up again, increased brain size allows more complex processing of meat.....blah blah blah. The moral: since around 2 million years ago the genus Homo appears to have been on a trajectory towards increased encephalization (though limited by our ability to birth large brained, premature beings....but this is getting off topic!). Important to keep in mind, though, is that trajectories are NOT uni lineal or "goal oriented" evolution (that does not exist).

So, like in life/evolutionary change, trajectories are NOT predetermined, they CAN change. Unlike evolutionary trajectories, though, YOU have a choice about which one to be on. So if you feel yourself on the self-perpetuating cycle of bitterness and resentment, you are not stuck. In The Alchemist, author Paulo Coelho, writes: "...that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie."