"Hello Seattle
I am the crescent moon
shining down on your face"
-Owl City
Please ignore the fact that we don't have manta-rays...or seahorses...
2 years ago
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
cycles
The man who accepts Western values absolutely, finds his creative faculties becoming so warped and stunted that he is almost completely dependent on external satisfactions, and the moment he becomes frustrated in his search for these, he begins to develop neurotic symptoms, to feel that life is not worth living, and, in chronic cases, to take his own life.
-Paul Robeson
alive
energy quivering
like coffee saturated
hands trying to hold
steady the ecstasy
of an ephemeral
joy.
this too shall pass.
crash!
shaking hands
cannot control
cannot keep
something so
slippery
and fleeting
as true joy.
this too has passed.
and on a moutain
stroll i gain
momentum
as i begin to see
the peak above me,
begin to remember
that joy,
no matter how ephemeral,
sustains us
makes us alive
gives us hope.
each step is
motivated by the taste
of something
i remember, i
seek again.
the peak is clear
i am near
my hands were
steady but begin
to quiver
grasping
for purpose.
-Paul Robeson
alive
energy quivering
like coffee saturated
hands trying to hold
steady the ecstasy
of an ephemeral
joy.
this too shall pass.
crash!
shaking hands
cannot control
cannot keep
something so
slippery
and fleeting
as true joy.
this too has passed.
and on a moutain
stroll i gain
momentum
as i begin to see
the peak above me,
begin to remember
that joy,
no matter how ephemeral,
sustains us
makes us alive
gives us hope.
each step is
motivated by the taste
of something
i remember, i
seek again.
the peak is clear
i am near
my hands were
steady but begin
to quiver
grasping
for purpose.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
choice and acceptance
"Times they gotta change
but so do we"
-Margot and the Nuclear So and So's
life happens and it is uncontrollable. sometimes there is a tendency to pity oneself, to say, "look at all these things happening to me. look at all these things happening to me that make me unable to be who i would be if all were perfect." this is completely ridiculous. happy people are not happy because everything goes well in their life, but because they choose to react to situations with an open mind and heart. they don't get their minds and hearts stuck on what they wish were true, but rather they accept each situation as it comes, embrace it, and love it for what it is. an immense peace comes from letting go of our false sense of control. when we act like we can control what can happen in our lives we quickly become frustrated and bitter when things do not go as we try to make them. we are failing! something is wrong with us because we cannot control! but really we are failing because we have created an impossible task. so lighten up. let go of control. open your mind. see the world in a new light of acceptance and love. the only thing we may have a chance of controlling is ourselves and our reactions to the situations we encounter. nothing happens to us except that which we allow. choose to open.
but so do we"
-Margot and the Nuclear So and So's
life happens and it is uncontrollable. sometimes there is a tendency to pity oneself, to say, "look at all these things happening to me. look at all these things happening to me that make me unable to be who i would be if all were perfect." this is completely ridiculous. happy people are not happy because everything goes well in their life, but because they choose to react to situations with an open mind and heart. they don't get their minds and hearts stuck on what they wish were true, but rather they accept each situation as it comes, embrace it, and love it for what it is. an immense peace comes from letting go of our false sense of control. when we act like we can control what can happen in our lives we quickly become frustrated and bitter when things do not go as we try to make them. we are failing! something is wrong with us because we cannot control! but really we are failing because we have created an impossible task. so lighten up. let go of control. open your mind. see the world in a new light of acceptance and love. the only thing we may have a chance of controlling is ourselves and our reactions to the situations we encounter. nothing happens to us except that which we allow. choose to open.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Sock Monkey!
"Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you"
-Oasis
Yesterday was a beautiful day. After work, I went to Unity Unitarian as I do most Sundays. The service was on the subject of healing. Andy made the point that there is no such thing as miraculous healing (as many Christian faiths would have you believe). People are not touched and then healed of their wounds, physical or emotional. Rather, Andy presented the idea that true healing often comes simply from listening/sharing. He challenged us to truly listen to those who come to us with hurt to share. He challenged us to "don't just do something, stand there!" We then did an exercise in listening with a partner. I was paired with a girl (young woman) about my age who I have been getting to know over the past few weeks. Andy asked us to speak/listen for 1 minute on the question "who are you?" My exchange with my partner was...well healing...just like it was supposed to be. It ended up that my partner and I are going through similar emotional processes right now. We continued our conversation into the tea time that follows each service. Also, during Tea I had a really exciting conversation about monkey behavior with Andy, a community member not Minister Andy, and a woman named Tammy.
Later in the evening, I returned to Unity for a dinner hosted by Andy, the minister, and his wife, Miriam. Before any eating, we all decorated our meeting hall with a tree and garlands. After we were satisfied with our work we moved towards dinner. Andy and Miriam live in a really cute flat about the community center we meet in. Miriam had made a HUGE pot of chili, spiced cider, mulled wine and other delicious teats. Upstairs we helped decora
te their tree with all their family ornaments and popcorn that we strung. Those of us who came were mostly the younger members of the community, people without families around to help get in the Christmas spirit. We ended up staying for almost 5 hours talking and laughing and sharing. As we were leaving, Tammy reached into her purse and pulled out two mini blue sock monkeys which she presented to non-minister Andy and myself. When she had gone home between the service (when we talked about monkeys) and the dinner she had grabbed these little monkeys which she had MADE to give as little Christmas presents to Andy and I. I LOVE this community and I LOVE my new monkey! It is so patiently welcoming and inclusive. I feel very much a part of it and connected in a way that I haven't really experienced before. I feel supported and supportive. In being nurtured, I feel more nurturing.
But they'll never throw it back to you"
-Oasis
Yesterday was a beautiful day. After work, I went to Unity Unitarian as I do most Sundays. The service was on the subject of healing. Andy made the point that there is no such thing as miraculous healing (as many Christian faiths would have you believe). People are not touched and then healed of their wounds, physical or emotional. Rather, Andy presented the idea that true healing often comes simply from listening/sharing. He challenged us to truly listen to those who come to us with hurt to share. He challenged us to "don't just do something, stand there!" We then did an exercise in listening with a partner. I was paired with a girl (young woman) about my age who I have been getting to know over the past few weeks. Andy asked us to speak/listen for 1 minute on the question "who are you?" My exchange with my partner was...well healing...just like it was supposed to be. It ended up that my partner and I are going through similar emotional processes right now. We continued our conversation into the tea time that follows each service. Also, during Tea I had a really exciting conversation about monkey behavior with Andy, a community member not Minister Andy, and a woman named Tammy.
Later in the evening, I returned to Unity for a dinner hosted by Andy, the minister, and his wife, Miriam. Before any eating, we all decorated our meeting hall with a tree and garlands. After we were satisfied with our work we moved towards dinner. Andy and Miriam live in a really cute flat about the community center we meet in. Miriam had made a HUGE pot of chili, spiced cider, mulled wine and other delicious teats. Upstairs we helped decora
te their tree with all their family ornaments and popcorn that we strung. Those of us who came were mostly the younger members of the community, people without families around to help get in the Christmas spirit. We ended up staying for almost 5 hours talking and laughing and sharing. As we were leaving, Tammy reached into her purse and pulled out two mini blue sock monkeys which she presented to non-minister Andy and myself. When she had gone home between the service (when we talked about monkeys) and the dinner she had grabbed these little monkeys which she had MADE to give as little Christmas presents to Andy and I. I LOVE this community and I LOVE my new monkey! It is so patiently welcoming and inclusive. I feel very much a part of it and connected in a way that I haven't really experienced before. I feel supported and supportive. In being nurtured, I feel more nurturing. Tuesday, December 1, 2009
holding-on
"Our ideas held no water
but we used them like a dam"
-Modest Mouse
It is remarkably easy to get stuck in patterns of thinking. We form a framework through which to understand the world and over time, we learn new things (facts) and place them into this framework. Obviously, as we have created (or inherited, or learned) this framework in a cultural context sometimes things we learn, things we observe, don't quite fit into how we "know" the world works, or we "know" is right, or we "know" fits, in general. These things become exceptions. There comes a point, though, when you seem to have accumulated a lot of "exceptions". One would expect that this would be the point when you would start to question the framework rather than question your own sanity....but we don't! We keep trying to mold what we see into the shape of what we "know". But we don't "know", we just expect, we assume!
I have been thinking about this because I am experiencing something of the sort right now. As I am learning and interacting with my masters program, I am realizing that those things that I thought I wanted, I perhaps do not. And I am learning that things that I did not previously think I wanted (despite many "exceptions" indicating otherwise), are in fact what I do want. This is slightly disconcerting, yet also relieving! I feel a sense of rightness in having discovered what was making me feel unsettled. With hindsight, my desires were very evident. But so long as my previous framework existed, all indications were placed in the "exceptions" category of my understanding rather than the "valid thought" section.
I really like the quote above from Modest Mouse (possibly the most depressed band ever...) because it strikes me as so true. I do feel so inclined to lean on ideas, on frameworks, that aren't reasonable, or appropriate....why? Probably because in the short term, it is easier to keep jamming things into something they don't quite fit in to, than to unpack, make a HUGE mess, and reorganize. I will argue though, that in the long run, the benefits of reorganization out weight the costs. To some extent though, I think my logic may infer that avoiding frameworks in general would be the most effective method of observing the world and learning in it. As humans though, I think this is difficult (impossible?) as evolutionarily we are "wired" to categorize information as it is very cost effective not to......
On a more spiritual/self-realization level, I am learning that constant reevaluation of our frameworks is necessary in order to truly understand our heart's position. To not reevaluate, I think, is very impractical and...stagnant?....and perhaps cowardly. Often I feel cowardly. I am scared of what I will find if I see things in a new way. I'm scared of who I will be when stripped of my framework. Will it be worse? more difficult? will my friends still like who I am if I see the world differently? Will I still like who I am? But when deciding between the known which is not adequate and the unknown, I challenge myself to choose the unknown. The Buddhist quote says it best: "Leap and the net will appear."
but we used them like a dam"
-Modest Mouse
It is remarkably easy to get stuck in patterns of thinking. We form a framework through which to understand the world and over time, we learn new things (facts) and place them into this framework. Obviously, as we have created (or inherited, or learned) this framework in a cultural context sometimes things we learn, things we observe, don't quite fit into how we "know" the world works, or we "know" is right, or we "know" fits, in general. These things become exceptions. There comes a point, though, when you seem to have accumulated a lot of "exceptions". One would expect that this would be the point when you would start to question the framework rather than question your own sanity....but we don't! We keep trying to mold what we see into the shape of what we "know". But we don't "know", we just expect, we assume!
I have been thinking about this because I am experiencing something of the sort right now. As I am learning and interacting with my masters program, I am realizing that those things that I thought I wanted, I perhaps do not. And I am learning that things that I did not previously think I wanted (despite many "exceptions" indicating otherwise), are in fact what I do want. This is slightly disconcerting, yet also relieving! I feel a sense of rightness in having discovered what was making me feel unsettled. With hindsight, my desires were very evident. But so long as my previous framework existed, all indications were placed in the "exceptions" category of my understanding rather than the "valid thought" section.
I really like the quote above from Modest Mouse (possibly the most depressed band ever...) because it strikes me as so true. I do feel so inclined to lean on ideas, on frameworks, that aren't reasonable, or appropriate....why? Probably because in the short term, it is easier to keep jamming things into something they don't quite fit in to, than to unpack, make a HUGE mess, and reorganize. I will argue though, that in the long run, the benefits of reorganization out weight the costs. To some extent though, I think my logic may infer that avoiding frameworks in general would be the most effective method of observing the world and learning in it. As humans though, I think this is difficult (impossible?) as evolutionarily we are "wired" to categorize information as it is very cost effective not to......
On a more spiritual/self-realization level, I am learning that constant reevaluation of our frameworks is necessary in order to truly understand our heart's position. To not reevaluate, I think, is very impractical and...stagnant?....and perhaps cowardly. Often I feel cowardly. I am scared of what I will find if I see things in a new way. I'm scared of who I will be when stripped of my framework. Will it be worse? more difficult? will my friends still like who I am if I see the world differently? Will I still like who I am? But when deciding between the known which is not adequate and the unknown, I challenge myself to choose the unknown. The Buddhist quote says it best: "Leap and the net will appear."
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