"Love is a choice -
not simply, or necessarily, a rational choice,
but rather a willingness
to be present to others
without pretense or guile."
-Carter Heyward
How do we interact with others? How do we interact with life? As I've written before, I believe that much of life comes down to our choices. Our choice of how to respond to people and situations. Each choice we make is one tiny element that goes into our whole being. Each choice, as minor as it may be, helps define who we are. Who do we want to be?
Twice recently, I have been confronted with discussions of love without judgment. Words and phrases from each discussion are still rolling around in my head. As I'm impatient, I won't wait until they are polished and clear to remove them from the rock tumbler of my mind...
At New-Unity Unitarian church today, Andy spoke on "The journey toward love". He suggested that love requires us to put aside judgment, to put aside our experiences and to be present for others. Be present to ourselves. What does being present mean? To me, it means being witness. Being a compassionate witness to another being. Being silent in honor of the other's time to work through their thoughts, their emotions. In being present, we try to remove judgment, remove our own experience. We accept the situation as it is, the person as they are. We do not love because we like what we see, or because the person/situation is what we would hope it to be. We love because it is what it is, they are who they are. What we cannot change, we accept and we love.
My friend, who I recently got to sit with on a hot day in a New York City park, said something to me during a though-provoking, and filling conversation. It was something like this: accept each person who has come into your life. love them. Say 'thank you, teacher.' I felt moved by this statement. How much bitterness and resentment could I rid myself of it I said "Thank you, teacher"? How much negativity could I transform? How much heaviness could I lift from my heart? How much freedom could I find in choosing unconditional and non-judgmental love? Who would I be if I tried to remove judgment from my life? You cannot give what you do not have. Love yourself so that you may love others. Do not judge yourself, so that you may be present for others. Be present in your own life. Love what others are, not what you wish they were. Love your life, not the life you wish you had.
I believe there is peace in non-judgment, peace in acceptance, peace in thankfulness, peace in compassion and peace in love. With a destination in mind, the journey begins.
